You didn’t stand by me when I was little. I didn’t know it could be different as I grew up.
I split into pieces to be there for everyone, hoping for someone to stand by me, to feel so needed…
that I’m important, good, loved…
My dad didn’t stand by me.
My mom didn’t stand by me.
I didn’t know, didn’t feel for years, how I was withdrawn from feeling. Almost like in Groundhog Day, the days were the same, even though the date changed.
Suspended in the space between worlds, where people passed by people, pretending, still playing…
Like in a movie, like in a theater, unconsciously repeating the same scenarios over and over.
One day, I saw a small door to a world where people no longer trampled over each other. In this world, warm-heartedness abounds, and everyone wishes each other much joy.
A spark of faith in the new ignited within me.
Tiny, bright, it captured my heart.
Others were amazed, saying: you’re looking for problems everywhere, making things up, you’ve gone crazy, it’s not that bad… Our grandmothers would turn in their graves if they saw what you’re doing, what you’re changing…
I stopped and felt – this is it!
This is the way out of the shadow of others and my own.
From that grayness,
which clings, obscures the light when it lingers around for too long.
Yes, I don’t look for problems everywhere, I look for possibilities, to escape the routine doldrums, to live a life that our mothers and grandmothers only secretly dreamed of.
I’m learning to stand up for myself, and I remind others that not getting what you want isn’t anyone’s fault!
Why talk about guilt when life flows within us? Explore, observe, notice possibilities in every result and in every cause.
Change the unchangeable, to make it accessible. Create your life, mold it, build it.
Heal your thoughts and soul, and body.
Don’t settle for anything less, reach where the eye can’t see. Make the impossible possible, you have the power of choice, that’s your strength.
You didn’t stand by me when I was little…
Thank you.
Thanks to you, I learned to take care of myself, and I am determined.
With love and light,
Renata
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